Sometimes I wonder if someone, anyone will believe that I am worth caring for. If someone will see the beauty that lives inside of me and feel the desire to pick my broken body up from the floor and say…”I love you!!!”
I wonder if it is worth waiting around for as life slashes me open with another of its many swords.
Now I know how it feels when the love of my life would rather listen to the police scanner than spend a little time with me.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever know what it feels like to have a good time.
thank you so much for caring enough about me to reach out, minute by minute is my current mantra
Sometimes I wonder if there is even one person on this planet, who will see me as irresistible, lovable, worthy, something worth investing in.
Sometimes I think, all I need is one person…
Sometimes I wonder, how many tears can one body hold?
Today I think God decided that I was getting too big for my britches. I was beginning to think that maybe I was worth something, that maybe I deserved some happiness. I was feeling too good, starting to stand up for myself in ways I hadn’t been able to before. So, in one week, one of my best friends, and employees, got deployed to a part of the middle east that he will probably not be coming back from, a patient of the drug rehab clinic I direct died, which brings up all of the feelings of having my daughter pass away recently, and I successfully managed to turn my fiance into my boyfriend.
The message is loud and clear:
I am not a good enough mother to keep my children alive
I am not a good enough director to keep my paitents alive
I am not a good enough person to keep the love of my life alive
Why is God keeping me alive?
I get it already, I am garbage , I won’t forget it again, can I please die now?
Sometimes I wonder if there is even one person in the entire world who cares if I am alive, if I am hurting, if there is even one person who has the desire to lovingly put their arms around me and tell me that I am valuable, I am loved.
Written By Shelley
Sometimes, I wonder if there is a way to vomit all the hurt, pain, shame and loneliness out of me, then I realize, I am destined to carry it with me forever.
